Ahhhhhh CRAP!

Everybody’s had a day where you wake up and say, “ahhh crap!” We had a day exactly like that on Sunday. That’s because when we woke up the house was covered in crap. Fortunately, it wasn’t hard to identify the source because it was still covered in crap too. We were wondering what it was until it said, “Mom, I pooped.” We’ll call that the understatement of the past 6 months. Thanks to my excellent forensic science skills we were able to reconstruct the happenings of the morning just before our “awakening”.

Apparently, Andrew was standing on a kitchen stool, which had Katie’s coat on it, when about 3 days worth of diarrhea exited his body at hurricane force. The diaper and backside of his pajamas were vaporized in the initial blast. Shards of debris were embedded in the cabinetry and walls, driven there by force of liquid poo. Andrew, realizing that this situation might be slightly more serious than his normal modus excrementi, thought it prudent to go ahead and try to clean himself up. Since timing was already critical, he grabbed the nearest dish towel just in time for another high pressure front to move across his bowels. This storm lacked the high velocities of the first but triggered massive mud slides.

After completely saturating the dish towel and surrounding area, Andrew was smart to realize that while there was no hope of stemming the flood partially digested food, he had better let Mom and Dad know. He walked up stairs, and crawled up on our bed. Since Katie thought he was just coming to lay with us she pulled him up and lay him next to her. Right about the time she could smell that not all was ripe with the world, he broke it to her. “Mom, I pooped.”

The rest of the morning was spent refinishing the kitchen and re-flooring the hallways. And did I mention… we have a new bed! Unfortunately, for those of a weaker disposition, we did not think to grab our camera before rebuilding half of the house.