New Normal

I’m not the biggest fan of change. Well… not all change. This particular one has me very conflicted.

I love watching my kids grow up, spread their wings, and try new things. I’m so proud of them. But I also really miss having my squishy babies, feral little kids, and awesome teenagers all under my roof.

This week has been a doozy.

After an amazing week camping with our friends at First Landing, it was time to come back to real life and start a new chapter.

Andrew packed up and headed to Utah to spend a few days with Ben and Kallie before making his way to Idaho.

In true Andrew fashion, he gets things done—and somehow makes it all look easy. He decided he needed to make some money, so he simply set out to do it. No big plan, no drama. Just Andrew being Andrew and figuring it out.

The morning he left, he decided he needed to deposit all the cash he had floating around his room. I think even he was surprised by how much he had managed to stash away over the last week or two of being home. Apparently, my son had been quietly building his own little cash reserve while I was busy doing mom things. 😂

Christopher is traveling in California and was able to stop by and give Ahma and Joy a hug for me.

And Ahma is doing so much better in the rehabilitation center. Her feet aren’t hurting nearly as badly, and the blood clot is slowly working its way out of her vein. She doesn’t scream every time someone has to touch her feet anymore, and she can almost hold her own weight on them—which are all really good things.

But the best part? She didn’t ask Christopher even once when he was coming back to our family. 😂

For the past few years, she’s been convinced that Christopher left me and the kids. To be fair, she really only sees us one at a time, so from her perspective, the logic is pretty solid. 😂

But Andrew leaving was harder on me than I expected.

I’m not a big crier, but this one broke me.

I think I’m getting wiser in my old age and realizing that, as much as I hope and want it to, once they leave, it’s never quite the same again.

I woke up that morning crying. Drove to the airport with silent tears running down my face. Bawled while hugging him goodbye. Cried until I was halfway home. Then I opened the garage, saw reminders of him everywhere, and lost it all over again.

I grabbed a sleeve of his favorite chocolate chip cookies that he had left behind, went to bed, and cried myself to sleep… at 6 p.m.

I still can’t go into his room or down to the basement without getting a little emotional, but I’ll get there.

And then there are pictures like these—my three college kids going to dinner together—that make my heart so incredibly happy it threatens to make me cry all over again.

Watching them grow into adults, become friends, and build lives of their own is exactly what I’ve always wanted for them.

I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt my mama heart when they actually did it. ❤️

Also, I really hope this crying thing isn’t going to become a trend.

I hate crying. It gives me a headache.